


H is for Heartbreak

by residentdogenthusiast



Series: A-Z Prompts for the Hamilsquad [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, Scandal, The Reynolds Pamphlet - Modern
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 05:06:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12763800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/residentdogenthusiast/pseuds/residentdogenthusiast
Summary: A scandal breaks out in the Presidential office. Everyone’s scrambling to fix the issue, but Alexander has bigger issues.





	H is for Heartbreak

“Pop,” Phillip’s voice asks over the shoulder of his stepfather watching the news in the kitchen. He can hear the television, hear the awful things it’s saying─but that’s not what he’s concerned about at the moment. It seems as if his father is frozen in time, whisk still in hand from where he’d been mixing the ingredients for something ‘special’ he was making for dinner. Wide, horrified eyes stare at the television screen─tears brimming in the corners. Outside their home, there is the faint sound of the world that has gone on around them─but inside, the Laurens-Hamilton world has shattered into a million small pieces. The headline on Fox is in blaring white letters across a red banner─calling the attention of anyone watching to the words printed on it: **SECRETARY OF TREASURY HAD AN AFFAIR WITH MARIA REYNOLDS** ─ **SECRETARY OF HOMELAND SECURITY JAMES REYNOLDS’ WIFE** ─ **AND TWEETED ALL ABOUT IT.** “Pops, stop watching that. Please.”

The television flicks off─probably due to Phillip using the remote to end the torture his stepfather was putting himself through. He didn’t, not even for one second, believe that any of the nonsense was true. He wish he could say the same for John Laurens. John turns to glare at his stepson, and the world resumes. Except… it’s apocalyptic now. All hollow remains of what it once was.

“Turn it back on.”

“Pops, you don’t really think Dad did those things… do you?” Phillip asks. He’s the epitome of a Hero Complex when it came to Alexander Hamilton─after all, that was his father. He admired everything the man did, everything he stood for. His father was the picture of an upstanding man, the model American. Of course, it would be a hard pill to swallow that he was also a lying cheat.

“I said, turn it on!” Laurens is yelling now, and the tears have broken from their prison in the corner of his eyes. He’s on the verge of sobbing, but he doesn’t want Phillip to see him break down like that. He can only imagine what the young boy would go through from this point on, the humiliation and ridicule he’d have to endure. He didn’t need to see the perfect picture he held of his other father to shatter, too. So John sniffles, presses the back of his hand to his nose to keep from snotting all over the place. Takes several deep breaths and tries to find the words around the lump in his throat. “Please, turn it on. And… go outside to play. Get your sister and go outside and… I don’t care what you do, just… get out of this house for a little bit, alright?”

The television turns back on. Phillip disappears from the room. The timer on the anniversary cake Laurens had been baking goes off.

✘━✘

Alexander, the Vice President and half of the cabinet sit in the Oval Office at the White House blanketed in a heavy silence. Everyone’s minds are running a mile a minute, trying to properly digest the information that had been leaked early that morning. The television plays CNN news on mute, though it’s not like it matters. The big blocky words on the screen scream loud enough for everyone gathered. The Secretary of Treasury’s face is buried in his hands, and it’s obvious that he’s completely deflated. Understandable─his biggest secret had just come out and effectively ruined his career.

“We need to do damage control,” Angelica’s voice speaks first, when the reporters on CNN finally switch topics. The television flicks off, and the woman takes front and center in the office. Angelica, always so intelligent and quick on her feet─never letting any one thing keep her down for too long. She good at her job─Alex is glad that she’s on their side. Though, he knows it’s strictly for professional reasons. Phillip was her nephew, and she knew Eliza─his ex-wife and Phillip’s mother─would suffer extensively from this. Angelica’s fury when someone fucked with her family was unmatched by any other. “Confirm or deny, and I strongly advise that you deny this. I don’t give a damn how you do it─say that you were hacked, say that you were forced to say these things… just deny it. We also need to get John, Frances and Phillip on board─get them in front of a camera in support of you. That would certainly move the public. We can still save your position long enough for both you to finish out your term if we begin acting fast.”

“No,” Alexander says, head whipping up─and everyone in the room realizes it wasn’t because he was exhausted that he’d his head in his hands, but because he was _crying_. That certainly comes as a shock to everyone there and they struggle to pretend as though they hadn’t noticed. “We will _not_ involve my family in this… this blaspheme.”

“Twelve-year-old Phillip Hamilton preaching his daddies innocence… that’s a pretty powerful image, even mentally, Alexander,” Aaron speaks up, from his spot at the back of the room. Always at the back of the room─watching, observing. He wasn’t in the cabinet─he was just the city's DA. However, he was a close friend of those in the cabinet. And Alex needed as many friends right now as he could get. “Angelica is right. You need to do damage control. They could call for your removal.”

“Let them!” Hamilton snaps, wiping at the tears on his face fiercely. He looks… embarrassed, for a moment, at the fact that he’s crying. Alexander Hamilton was many things─fiery, strong willed, temperamental─but he certainly wasn’t the emotional type amongst those things. His crying, in a room full of people no less─that was a sight to behold. However, most in the room can’t help he looks more embarrassed at crying in front of them than at cheating on his husband. “Let them, I’ll gladly step down! But… no. For God's sake, you went to highschool with him─think of John! Think of what he’s going through right now!”

“With all due respect, Hamilton,” Washington pipes up now, and he looks absolutely _mortified._ And not just that─disgusted, too. That’s what hurt Alex, too─sends a spike right through his chest, leaves him gasping for air. George had once looked at him with admiration. And he’d cared so much for the young man, too. But it’s obvious that any and all respect he once held for the Treasury Secretary has dissipated completely. “but you didn’t seem to be thinking of John when you were sleeping with another man’s wife. You didn’t seem to be thinking of John when you tweeted an 800 tweet rant about it. Forgive me if I doubt you’re doing anything for John at all.”

Alex snorts, resumes his position of face in hands. Tears flow freely there, with his true emotions obscured from sight. He earned that one.

✘━✘

Alexander comes home late at night. He’d been hoping that his family would be in bed by now, so that he may crawl into bed with his husband and forgot all of this had happened for a few hours. Wrap his arms around Laurens, inhale the familiar scent left behind by his paints and the expensive cologne he wore. Just one last time, one last night of normalcy for him. Especially considering it was likely John would never forgive him for this─and thus, he might never get to enjoy it again.

However, he is not even rewarded this little victory. As soon as his bodyguards have dropped him off at his home and he makes it inside the house, he’s greeted with the red-splotchy face of his husband. It’s an unbecoming look for John─the splotches, the red-puffy eyes, the level of disarray in general he seems to be in. But Alex knows that’s what he’s done to him. His husband for six years, lover for far longer. Fittingly, John is curled up in a blanket and Alex’s old sweatshirt from college─staring at Alex with an expression that can only be described as ‘How could you?’

“John, please. Let’s not do this tonight. The kids─”

“─are with Eliza. Don’t worry, Alex. _I_ thought of my family.” That in particular hurts. The way Laurens emphasises on ‘I’, the way he says ‘my family’ instead of ‘our family’ like he usually does. The lack of affection in his voice when he's speaking to him. It quickly becomes obvious to Alex that his transgressions have cut far deeper than he could’ve ever fathomed, and that his husband has already imagined a life with just him, Eliza and the kids. Alexander doesn’t even know where to begin to deal with that─to deal with the fact that all of this may have just cost him his family, that he’d go back to that terrified 12-year-old with no family again.

It’s in this moment that Alexander realizes the extent of what he’s done, and the horror of this realization washes over him in crashing waves.

“John, I… I swear, it was only a handful of times. And it was years ago. I swear, I can pull up the transcripts and receipts, I haven’t even seen her since Frances was toddling. I─… I sure as hell don’t love her. It was… it was supposed to be a one time thing, and extortion drew me in and I… I fucked up.”

“Where you ever going to tell me? That you cheated?” John’s voice is hoarse from probably what was hours of tears and screams and sobs. Alex hates the way it sounds─he loved John’s voice. How it was soft, with a mixture Southern twang and New York lilt. He’d always loved John’s voice.

“Yes.”

“I want the truth, Alexander, stop fucking lying to me! I am sick and tired and sick and tired of being lied to by people I love! Especially you! So you fucking tell the truth, that’s the _least_ you could do!” John shouts, with the fury of probably a thousand angry men. There’s nothing but pure anguish in raspy voice, a pain that Alex would probably never ever be able to begin to fathom. A pain that Alexander had caused himself.

Alexander startles from the yelling, pressing his back against the wall. He can feel the pain in his nose that tells him he’s about to cry, can feel his heart rate pick up. There was few things he hated more than being caught in a lie by Laurens. It always made him feel like a special type of asshole─someone who lies to the person that already knew their deepest secrets.

Hell, maybe he _was_ a special type of asshole.

“I wasn’t going to tell you, _fine_ , I admit it. I didn’t see the point in hurting you like that just to help my conscience. You weren’t gonna know anything about it ever. If shit came down─which it did─I didn’t want them to accuse you of anything. I didn’t want them to drag your name through the mud, too. I knew you’d find out eventually, I’m just… I’m sorry it’s happening like this…”

“And the tweets?” John holds up his phone for the other man to see, and if Alexander squints he can see that he’s on his Twitter profile. Alexander bites his bottom lip. It wouldn’t add insult to injury of the profile picture for his Twitter account was of him and John, on their wedding day.

To be quite honest, he doesn’t know what kind of force overcame him when he was typing up the tweets. It was as if there was some sort of frenzy in him, some desperate need driving him. The reason he’d done it was fairly logical─at least in his twisted, deformed thinking. He had been faced with the receipts from the deposits into James Reynolds’ bank by some of his colleagues. At the time, they’d thought he was using James’ name in an attempt to embezzle funds─which had been the furthest thing from the truth. When he’d explained the actual truth for the deposits, he’d suddenly been met with a haunting thought─what if they didn’t keep the secret as they’d promised they’d do? Afterall, there were already rumors circulating his name─all his enemies needed was something this juicy to kick him from his career. He supposes he figured the world should hear it from him before they heard it from anybody─before his enemies tried to use it against him.

He just hadn’t stopped to think of his family when he did this. And it’s his one and only regret in life.

“I… I don’t have a good explanation. I was scared it’d get out or that my enemies would use it against me. I didn’t stop to think─”

Alexander is suddenly cut off from John jumping up from the couch, flinging the phone against the cushions with fury. The taller man approaches his husband, fury instead of sadness in his eyes. It doesn’t take very much for him to be in Alex’s face, breathing hard and crying angry tears.

“You’re _damn right_ you didn’t stop to think!” John shouts, and he shoves Alex back hard. Hamilton can hear the twang of southern accent in his husband’s voice beneath the thick layers of hurt and fury and sadness. Things that Alexander, in his wedding vows, and had promised he’d never have to feel again. “You never _do_! You don’t care about anyone but _yourself_ , Alexander! You didn’t even _bother_ to think─and let’s just say, for a second, we forget how this affects _me_! No, you didn’t even bother to think about your _children!_ Did you forget that you have a son, that we have a _six-year-old daughter_? Did you think about _either_ of them? What about Eliza? Eliza is your fucking _friend_! You _know_ how she feels about Maria! Did you think about _her_?! No! ‘Cause in your world, it’s all Alex! Alex, Alex, Alex! Well, it can be all about you! You can have this house, you can have your fucking job, you can have your life all to your goddamn _self_!”

John turns away and marches up the stairs as his words ring through the previously quiet house, and for a few moments Alex just stands there allowing them to sink in. Stands there, in the doorway of their home, feeling absolutely helpless. Every word that Laurens had said was completely true. He was a selfish, piece of shit. He hadn’t thought about how Eliza felt about Maria, about Phillip and Frances, about John. When Maria had seduced him in that bar with her sultry voice and quick wits. When she’d shown up on his doorstep while John and Eliza had taken the kids to Disneyland─with a black eye and a broken heart. When James had found out, and came beating down his door for money. All those times he snuck her into his house under the curtain of darkness, exploring hands and biting kisses. Fuck, even taking little Susan to the park with her. Not once had they crossed his mind in those moments. It had always been about how to keep it secret for _his_ reputation. How _he_ was going to get off that night. How wronged _he_ felt by James.

By the time the weight of his husband’s words have fully dawned on him, and he realizes that John is already planning to leave him, Laurens has returned─with two fully packed suitcases accompanying him. Alexander is crying now, too, and he quickly moves to block the exit. And so he and John stand there─each staring the other down, each utterly heartbroken.

“Please, Jack. Please, don’t do this.”

“You have not earned the right to call me that,” John hisses through clenched teeth, and it’s obvious just how badly he’s hurt. Everything about him is rigid and uncomfortable, compared to how usually he was so relaxed and open whenever he was with Alex. Alexander can tell he’s trying to hold back tears, but they fall relentlessly down his face and drip down onto the sweater. Alex’s sweater. “You lost that the _second_ you broke our vows, Alexander!”

“John, please! I know I hurt you! I hurt you so fucking bad. I know that. But please don’t leave me. Despite what you may believe, I do love you,” Alex pleads reaching out to him. John physically recoils, snatching away from him violently. “I love you.”

“No, Alex. It’s not what I believe! It’s what you _led_ me to believe! The person you show me is the person I’m going to think you are and today you’ve shown me someone that I don’t want to be with!” John is shouting again, but when he finishes speaking he breaks down into heartbroken sobs. Alexander wants nothing more than to pull him into his arms and keep him there forever. Well, nothing more than to rewind time and reverse the damage that he’s caused. Instead he leans against the front door, eyes fluttered shut as silent tears slip down his cheeks.

He loves John. He loves John so much. Had loved him for a very, very long time. Even before he married Eliza. They’d met in middle school─when Alexander was nothing but a skinny, moody foster care kid and John had just lost his mother─and they’d been best friends ever since. Even now, even though they’re married, Alex believes that John is his closest friend on Earth. They’d shared everything from middle school to high school─ from clothes and friends to some of their deepest secrets. Alex had been John’s first kiss, John had later been Alex’s first boyfriend. He would do anything to make him happy─or, if he was incapable of _making_ him happy, at least see him find his happiness.

So he asks,

“Do you think I’ll ever make you happy again, John?”

John’s sobs quiet a little, and takes it a minute for them to become soft sniffles before the other man answers, “Honestly, Alex, I don’t know. Right now… I can’t stand be around you. What you did was unforgivable. I do know this, though─I’ll never look at you the same. And I’ll never trust you again. Not fully.”

Sighing, Alexander realizes that he needs to let him go. He’d done the worst possible thing a man that claimed he loved someone could do. He couldn’t worsen the situation by forcing him to stay there. In that big and suddenly─with the new prospect of losing everything he held dear─very empty house. Besides, John deserved better anyways. Alex had always told himself that. It just really hurts to think that John may it see it the same way too.

So, with great reluctance, Alex moves away from the front door and slides down the wall beside it. He sits there on the floor, waiting for John to move. Arms draped over his knees, head leaned back against the wall. When he doesn’t hear anything from the man standing above him, he manages to choke out a feeble, “Go.”

The sound of the door slamming echoes loudly throughout the Laurens-Hamilton household. In the kitchen, the anniversary cake remains forgotten.


End file.
